


where the fields are painted gold

by g0ldendays



Category: Formula 2 RPF, Motorsport RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:13:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27459280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/g0ldendays/pseuds/g0ldendays
Summary: It's rare for Callum to get into moods like these. Marcus would know, he's lived with Callum for the better part of 3 years.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	where the fields are painted gold

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eliotthawke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliotthawke/gifts).



> This in no way reflects how I feel about Mick as a person, and I don't think Callum does either. This is just me writing off my frustration, and any anger I have about the whole thing is directed at Ferrari, not Mick. Just wanted to state that. 
> 
> Me? Projecting myself onto Callum as a character again? Pffff. ~~Yes, yes, I did.~~
> 
> Contains vague references to the Spa accident, nothing in detail. It's relevant for the set up of the story but it's contained within the first paragraph. Also, this whole thing gets a bit sad but not relating to Spa. Other reasons.
> 
> I've never learned how to write a proper fic summary and I also take all my titles from songs. This one is also from Bloom by the Paper Kites.

It's rare for Callum to get into moods like these. Marcus would know, he's lived with Callum for the better part of 3 years. He's only seen it a few times before, most recently being early September 2019. They were all into a strange mood around that time, Marcus included. Callum's more of a 'keep going' person. He once described it as 'if I stop to think about things, I'll never get going again, and I can't afford to do that'. At the time, Marcus didn't really get it, but in the past year, he's grown as a person and he can appreciate the idea now. It's good to pause and think about things sometimes, but some things are better left alone. He remembers vividly that Callum never stopped moving around and doing things until he went to bed at night, around that time. It seemed exhausting at the time, but he knows now that this is how Callum copes. He rearranged the living room on three separate occasions in September and wasn't able to settle down at all until after Sochi. Or rather, after Juan's very long surgery. It just happened to be on the same weekend as Sochi. 

So to see Callum pacing around the living room dragging chairs and cupboards around and rearranging the set-up of their helmets and trophies by the tv is concerning. Marcus' first instinct is to check his phone, see if everyone's okay. But it's not a race weekend, they're in Italy, and he would've heard if something, anything, _had_ happened, so he resists the urge to pull out his phone to check. "Callum?" he asks tentatively.

"Yeah?" Callum says as he moves the trophies and helmets once again, this time back to their original placement - Marcus' old helmet on the left, Callum's 2017 design on the right. They use them when they go karting in Italy so their current helmets don't have to be dragged around everywhere. 

"What's going on?" 

Callum pauses as he finally turns around and looks at Marcus. "I'm making some changes in the house, thought it was getting a bit boring." But his eyes betray that he knows damn well what question Marcus is really asking him - what's going on to have him in such a mood? There's a long silence as Callum turns back to the rearranging to avoid looking Marcus in the eye any longer.

"Callum," Marcus says and his roommate hums in response. "Callum." Marcus is raising his voice now, something he rarely does, and it's that which makes Callum stop in his tracks. "Talk to me. You don't rearrange anything unless something big is on your mind and you don't know how else to handle it. I pay attention," he adds when Callum raises an eyebrow. 

"I'm fine," Callum tries to brush it off. "Nothing's going on. Everyone's fine." 

"Yeah, except you. I'm serious, Callum, talk to me." The look he receives from Callum is somewhere halfway between pleading and resignation.

"I'm sure you have better things to do than to listen to me."

Marcus grabs him by the arms and walks them backwards until Callum hits the sofa and sinks down in defeat. "You've done enough deflecting today, please just tell me what's on your mind. I haven't seen you like this in a year." 

Callum leans back. He looks upset, and Marcus doesn't like it. Seeing Callum upset is not only rare, it's also... painful, in a way. Confronting. He doesn't let a lot of things get to him, and if anything does get to him, he usually knows how to hide it very well. "It's just-" Callum makes some grand gesture with his arms, trying to find the words he needs. "-this season." That does take Marcus by surprise, because Callum's season is going pretty well - second in the championship as it stands and overall, he's having good races. Marcus knows his face expresses his confusion right now because Callum lets out a frustrated sigh. "It's not enough." Ah, there it is. 

"What do you mean, not enough?" Marcus asks, settling in next to Callum on the sofa and pulling up his legs under him, so he's facing Callum. 

"All of it. My results, my driving, all the effort I'm putting into it. It's not enough." Yeah, this conversation was inevitable and a long time in the making. "They were never gonna offer me a seat. I don't know what else I expected, we always knew it was going to be Mick." Marcus can't exactly argue with that. If any of them from the FDA were going to make it to Formula 1, it'd be Mick. "And it's not that he doesn't deserve it or he hasn't put in the work or he hasn't produced the results because he has. And that just makes it worse, if I'm honest." It's like the floodgates have opened because Callum doesn't stop talking now. "He could've been terrible and not scored a single point and they still would've chosen him over me. I don't mind honest competition and we're racing as hard as we can, but the idea that he wouldn't have to, he could just cruise around and not score any points and he'd still get the seat. It feels so unfair."

And then there's a silence in which Marcus considers what Callum just told him. He knows it's not an attack against Mick, it's just general frustration about the entire situation. A seat in F1 is what they all dream of, as little kids. And to come so far up the ladder, being given empty promises, only to end up missing out like this? Marcus can't imagine - though there's a very real chance he's going to be in the same situation in the years to come. This is Callum's only chance, Marcus knows he doesn't have the budget to do another year of Formula 2 and if he ends up winning the championship, he's not even allowed to. And Ferrari's promises of helping them secure a seat, if only they do well and get results, win the championship... They're worth nothing. 

"Ferrari," Callum mumbles. He looks absolutely defeated now and it sort of breaks Marcus' heart to see him like this. "I never stood a chance, did I?" He doesn't expect an answer, and that's good because Marcus doesn't have one for him. There's nothing he can say that would make this situation any better. It's not gonna get Callum a seat, and once he's out of sight of the F1 teams, there might not be another chance for him. Yeah, he's starting to see why Callum's been in a mood. "I'm pretty sure he has already signed." It's the worst kept secret in the paddock, though none of them have any confirmation, but the general consensus is that Mick signed with Haas as soon as Alfa Romeo confirmed their line-up. And Haas isn't obligated to even offer up one seat to the FDA, like Alfa Romeo. But getting Mick in the team is great publicity and it'll help with sponsors, so it's a logical decision.

Marcus has never seen Callum look this small. He can't help himself as he pulls Callum into his chest and wraps his arms around him tightly. "I'm sorry," is what he says into Callum's hair. "I'm so sorry. You've done everything right." 

"It's just not enough," Callum replies. "I'll get over it and move on but right now, it just hurts."

**Author's Note:**

> Whatever the opposite of manifesting is, that's what I'm doing right now. I hope this isn't an actual thing that happened and, against my better judgement, I still hope Callum can get a seat somewhere. Say it with me kids, fuck Ferrari!


End file.
